Friday, October 23, 2009

Places To Avoid: Seattle Sucks

Photo by S.E.W. 2007


The first time I visited Seattle I was ten years old. My father took me to see the Tutankhamen exhibit at the Seattle Art Museum. We had to wait in line for five hours, but it was a pretty impressive show. Later we went on a ferry ride in Elliot Bay and my father got the ferry Captain to let me steer the boat. Overall it was a good trip.

After high school I went up to visit a friend who had joined the Air Force and was serving at the base just outside Seattle. We went to a hockey game in the Tacoma Dome; Tacoma versus Seattle. I remember the crisp taste of refrigerated air, the rumble of boots pounding wooden bleachers, blood on the ice, and the eternal roar of the crowd. Over and over they shouted "Seattle Sucks!" It was curious, but these hearty Tacomans knew something I didn't. They knew the dark truth about their neighbor to the North.

I had to live there for a year to find out the truth. Seattle gets press all the time for coffee, music and culture, but its image is just what its nickname, The Emerald City, implies, an illusion. Seattle is a cold dirty industrial town with poor urban planning, high crime, and a disproportionate share of the nation's desperate, mentally ill, and drug addicted - all suffering and belligerent at their malignant circumstances. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain; he might stab you for your Timex and a fist full of change.

All the rich people in Seattle live on islands in Elliot bay, a safe ferry ride away from the urine soaked squalor of the city center. There is only one tolerable middle class neighborhood in Seattle. Ballard is just North of the city. It is poorly centralized, and the houses are overpriced, but at least you can walk down a street without getting a secondary high from crack smoke.

As for the poor, they litter the streets and the few tiny green spaces that are dropped between high steel like breadcrumbs. The city was designed with short blocks and alleys. These alleys collect the drug addicted and the poor. Dark corridors stuffed with leaking stinking trash and the pervasive overwhelming reek of urine, a stink is so strong that even the winter rains don't wash it away. The steel box traps that litter the alleys are designed to stem the tide if terrier sized harbor rats that invade the city at night. The rats have long ago learned to avoid them, however, so don't be surprised to see furry shadows slithering along the walls if you go out after dark.

The heavy pollution in Eliot Bay makes it a poor choice for diving or windsurfing. The sailing is fair, but if you don't have your own boat you're out of luck. The Ballard Sailing Club is over priced, and they don't maintain their boats with any sort of seamanlike skill. Every J22 or C&C I checked out had a damaged outboard that either wouldn't start correctly, or spit gas and smoked like a burning Kuwaiti oil well. All their boats are heavily fouled. A look over the side made me think of green shag carpet.

If Seattle has anything to recommend it to the intrepid adventurer, it is its proximity to better things. The great temperate rain forest of the Olympic peninsula is only a few minutes away. Drive North a couple of hours and you will find one of the three truly great cities of the North American West Coast, Vancouver BC. The clean cheerful green and sparkling glass of Vancouver will be quite a shock after the grey depression of Seattle. Four hours South is the second of the three, Portland, and ten hours more will get you to the last great city, San Francisco.

If Curt Cobain actually committed suicide, and wasn't murdered by that screaming bitch he was married to, it was because he was stuck in Seattle. From the corporate monsters like Microsoft, Starbucks, and Boeing that grind their boot heels into the souls of working men and women, to the appalling lack of green space and public water fountains. On its best day Seattle is nothing more then a damp West Coast version of Detroit.

1 comment:

  1. Yes Yes you are so right on about that shithole!!!

    ReplyDelete